long time no spleak

well its been ages since my last post.

New updates: Going out with mia bella gattina - had a few blips but nothing we cant sort
Got 2 new tattoos - wolf and dragon
and im working now in skye marketing

"hi im jack from energia here to save you money " lol

anyways thats the latest just waiting to hear from my kitty fell asleep while texting her lastnight hope she doesnt think i was ignoring her. xxx

"Banana?"

happy

I have been told that this is all doom and gloom so I have to be happier. Ok went up to see mia bella gattina on saturday and had a good timeas always no mishaps of people calling me away or anything else unfortunately bob was visiting her as well but we cant change these things. decided to have a drink lastnight and evaluate my life....not the best of plans while drinking i know.

not much else going on really so ttyl

"as i walk through the valley of shadow i shall fear no salad for i has burgers!!!"

fun fun fun

ah where to begin? probably the start.

Ok mio bella gattina and i went to get a tattoo done each on saturday. she wimped out lol though it does mildly hurt so i can understand. looks awesome except for the whole drowning in blood but ok il heal. later on we went out to spoons with a few of her mates and some of mine. lyndsay knows i like her so of course sat telling her she should stay away great friend that he is. then along came gaz.

went to limers and i couldnt stand watching the two of them fawning over her so decided to drink myself into oblivion and damn the rest. why should i stand and watch that?

Now both of them are texting her and no doubt there is more poison being said bout me. ya know wat? fuck it.
but im not angry at her and why should i?

quote of the weekend "Fuck it why should I?"

meh

for a start im not feeling great. been up most of the night worrying about mio bella gattina. she confuses me greatly at times to the point i dont know whats going on or where i stand.

Home isn't much better constant fights and arguements are driving me nuts im ready to just pack my stuff and start walking. Desperate need for money so i can get myself a one bedroom flat would be awesome.

well ive got to go back to another fight

"Round 47 ding"

a normal day

anyway goodmorning/afternoon/night depending what state ur minds are in. lol starting of not happy with the raining wolves do not like being wet in a non good way! grrr!



plans for this week cry for money and get out on thursday to see mio bella gattina at the box which should be fun hope its better than last time i was there

well nearly healed so will be able to do wat i always do...stand drinking or smoking but never dancing rofl. xxx

"like a banjos orgasm outmoding the older violins"

still going on

for some reason ive never any good news to put on this. its nearly always bad. i dont know what to do anymore. ive still got the jealousy and sinderella doesnt even seem to notice. i listen to her stories and get so jealous and angry but i dont say anything because it will seem clingy and possessive which isnt something i want.
ok went out to the belmont on saturday night didnt end well. got spiked and reacted badly and got a highheel driven into my knee. ah well just something else to hurt me and for me to deal with.

anyway the confusion levels are through the roof i want mio bella gattina as a friend but if that happens il end up hurting her like i always do. but i dont want to be shut out and kept in the dark. cant have it both ways i suppose.

"im stuck in a twilight dream not quite awake but never quite asleep trapped in my confusion"

like a duck fucking an oboe!

so nothing new now except for the fact ive started getting jealous and i have no clue as to why. its not good for me. as if rage and depression werent bad enough and dangerous now jealousy has been thrown into that disturbing mix. dangerous times ahead for those i dont like and for those of you that i do like please try to hold on cause this roller coaster is going of the rails with a huge bloody bang.

might not survive the weekend and if i do i might be in jail. so if i dont post after saturday you know why and im sorry. come visit me in meghberry jail sometime with soleros.....mmm soleros... quick i need a tissue! lol

i dunno now

My head is frazzled to say the least ive been drunk for the past week and cant remember the weekend at all so im worried wat i might have done. well the police havent arrested me yet so i dont think it was anything tooo bad. well ttyl away to meet mio bella gattina

"im like a spider in the bath its all shiny and clean around me but i prefer to go where its dark and dirty" :P

fucking drama!

starting off im drunk so if i dont make sense thats why. so sorry.

drama drama bloody drama its all kicked of tonight great (sarcasm in case it hasnt been noticed) ive managed to make 3 people fall out and annoy family without trying or doing anything. so bloody marvellous. anyone else get those days when you dont want to pretend anymore and hide your life from others? i hit that tonight im giving up being honest with everyone whether they like it or not.

"im coming out to play so run little rabbits run!!"

wat was i thinking???

I got crazy drunk last night i mean fucked 4 ways to the weekend! got spiked and freaked out almost ended up in a cell for a night! instead i woke up in a strange house will 12 polish people! WTF!? well me and sinderella had a bit of an argument i hope everything will sort itself out and we can go back the way we were. still expecting a letter from her! grr! better get it. anyway im never getting into the state i was in lastnight. i terrified 12 full grown men this morning....thats not good. ah well their fault for trying to kidnap me lol well ttyl.

"wake up somewhere you dont know? call the police for a free taxi and claim ;)"

way to go me >:(

yep ive managed to do it again. without even thinking or trying ive hurt someone else. this time its sinderella just because of stupid human emotions i clamed up and said i dont want anything from her i froze over. now im suffering for it.
I didnt want to hurt her and she says its ok but i know its not and I cant help but feel like crap now because of wat ive done.

she should know i want her as a friend and in time definatly want more. But now im stressing and im afraid il end up taking it out on her when its not her fault or problem. best advice ive heard " shut up bitching suck it up and keep it too yourself"

WAY TO GO! someone explain why I keep doing this cause ive looked for the answers screaming them into the abyss and heard nothing back.

"keep on rolling the end is in sight"

different day same old sh*t

mini 12th tonight always good an excuse to drink untill i cant stand and cant remembe some of the stuff that has resurfaced. sinderella and i had a long talk and in it some of the darker parts of my past have come back to snap at me. In a way im glad that i spoke about it and especially glad it was her that listened.

Ive got soooo much time for her and trying to keep her as happy as i possibly can. any and ALL advice is welcome on that subject.

ANYWAY......trying to kill the sin stick (cigs) b4 they kill me so im likely to be short tempered and snappy for a while so sorry if you get in my way

"well keep your chin and headbutt the future"

first blog!

hey everyone welcome to the first entrance of my messed up mind! lol if you do get lost dont bother screaming you'll end up like the rest lol

keeping this one short and as sweet as i can manage

ttyl!